| |
| :: Humor: Paradise In the Midwest |
|
Paradise In the Midwest
Dear Diary:
AUG 12 - Moved to our new home in the Midwest. It is so beautiful here. The landscape is so serene and picturesque. I can hardly wait to see it covered in snow. This is God's country, I love it here.
OCT 14 - The Midwest is the most beautiful place on earth. The leaves have turned all the colors and shades of red and orange. Went for a ride through the beautiful rolling hills and saw some spotted deer. They are so graceful, they are certainly the most peaceful animals on earth. This must be paradise, I love it here.
NOV 11 - Deer season start's soon. I can not imagine anyone wanting to kill such an elegant creature. The very symbol of peace and tranquility, hope it will snow soon, I love it here.
DEC 2 - It snowed last night. Woke up to find everything blanketed in white. It looks like a postcard. We went outside and cleaned off the steps and shoveled the driveway. We had a snowball fight. (I won.) And when the snowplow came by we had to shovel the driveway again. What a beautiful place. Mother nature in perfect harmony, I love the Midwest.
DEC 14 - More snow last night. The snow plow did its little trick again to the driveway. Oh well. I love it here.
DEC 19 - More snow last night. Couldn't get out of the driveway to get to work. I am exhausted from shoveling. Darn snowplow.
DEC 22 - Even more snow fell last night. I got blisters on my hands from shoveling. I think the snowplow hides around the bend and waits until I am done shoveling the driveway. It is a pain in the rear.
DEC 25 - Merry BAH HUM BUG Christmas. More blasted snow. If I ever get my hands on that son-of-a-gun who runs that snowplow I swear I will kill the creep. I don't know why they don't just use more salt on the roads to melt all that darn ice.
DEC 27 - More flaky white stuff. Been inside for three days except for shoveling out the driveway after the snow plow comes by each time. Can't go anywhere, car is stuck in the mountain of white junk. The weatherman says to expect another 10 inches of snow again tonight. Do you know how many shovels full 10 inches is?
DEC 28 - The weatherman was wrong. We got 34 inches of the white stuff this time. At this rate it wont melt till summer. The snowplow got stuck up on the road and that son-of-a-gun came to MY door asking to borrow my shovel. I told him I had broken six shovels already shoveling all the garbage he pushed into my driveway, then I broke my last one over his blankety blank head!
JAN 4 - Finally got out of the house today. Went to the store to get food and on the way a deer ran in front of the car and I hit it. Did about $5000.00 damage to the car. Those beasts should all be killed. I wish the hunters had bagged them all last November.
MAY 3 - Took the car to the garage in town. Would you believe the thing is rusting from all that lousy salt they put all over the roads?!!
MAY 10 - Moved to Arizona. I can't imagine why anyone in their right mind would ever want to live in the Midwest.
|
|
|
|
|